My Blessings

by Deborah Anne Ramos

So much has been lost. So much more will be lost in the days, weeks, months ahead.

The heartache and pain of the past year has been enormous. We have not been immune. Trying to rationalize it all will be met with resistance. I will say, “Please don’t.” I have already said as much to RJ, my closest friend. I felt bad saying this to RJ. I called her minutes later to apologize if I had hurt her feelings. RJ replied an apology wasn’t needed. “I should have been more sensitive.” She was much too kind.

We have relied on our faith in God, and each other, to light our way through the darkest of days. We have handled the losses in our own way. Our tears, they have flowed much too easily. When Tasha passed, it opened the floodgates. While Elizabeth and I didn’t know her well, and Tara hadn’t met her yet, losing Tasha was a proverbial low blow. She’s the same age as Kyle. “How much more can we take?”

My dad has shouldered much of the hurt visited upon us. It is his way, the warrior in him, taking care of us. He was quiet before. He is much quieter now. Dad’s sense of humor, his easy smile, it’s all there. Just more guarded. When he, mom and Laurie talk among themselves, it is more reserved. Gone is the back and forth teasing between them.

Of the uncertainty that will surely follow, I know dad will stand fast. He is much braver than I. When we lost Kyle, there was no going back to how it was before. But, of what was before is forever locked away in our hearts and memories.

When mom met dad the first time, she said she didn’t think much about him. He was another patient in her care unit. They smiled at each other, exchanging “how are you’s” while she took his vitals. Later, they walked past each other in the hallway. Dad turned to look back. Mom was already looking back. They exchanged smiles again. If she didn’t look back, or if he didn’t, then …

My blessings are many.

In evening’s quiet, we wish you had a blessed Thanksgiving Day.

About the author –

Deborah Anne Ramos is a third year student attending the University of Colorado School of Medicine. She is a 2017 graduate of the University of Colorado with a BS in Biology.

She is a highly decorated equestrian with the Rustler Riding Club. Deborah earned Horse of the Year and Rider of the Year awards. Additionally, she has won multiple blue ribbons, and other placement ribbons, with Comet, Captain Andrew Evan Stedman and SAM: Secret Agent Man.